I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
