I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
