Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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