Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
