Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
