life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
