it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
