have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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