I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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