What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
