evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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