So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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