you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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