Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
