he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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