This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
