just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
