everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
