went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
