That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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