i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
