I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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