omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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