you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
