Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
