Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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