Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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