I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
