I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
