So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
