maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
