Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
