I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
