I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
