i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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