I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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