I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
