I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
