the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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