i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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