Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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