Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
