Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
