I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
