woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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