just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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