i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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