I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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