I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
