Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
