dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
