why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
