Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
