it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
