I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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